Thank you Jody for giving me the link for Daily Om. I subscribed and when I read their daily entry today I thought “OMG how did they know?”. Here’s a link for those who don’t already read it: DAILY OM. It’s an entry on letting your friends in for the good, bad and the ugly.
The only problem is … I can’t talk about what I need to talk about the most. I promised I wouldn’t.
Being a parent is really tough sometimes. Especially when your kids get to a phase in their life where they are starting to become their own person – or are TRYING to.
They want their freedom and believe that they know what’s best for them. They think that you are stupid and crazy, yet come running to you when they are scared and confused. They act all tough when they get hurt, yet you are the one they come to for care. They secretly want to be like you, yet their actions tell a different story because … that’s what they WANT you to think. What I think it really boils down to though … is that they are walking the fence between being a child and a mini-adult. They really aren’t that far from where we are … they want it all. They just haven’t figured out the best way to get it yet and really if they got it, they would just want to be back on the playground again where life is much easier in many respects.
At times I want to strangle him, and then I see his innocent smile flash through and remember why I don’t follow through on the impulse. I am proud of him, I love him, I only want the best for him. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too tough and others I think I’ve failed him. Normal thoughts for parents. I know this.
This morning I took a walk … and cried when I could … when nobody was watching … when nobody could see ME be scared and confused. Right now, I need to be the rock for him. As I walked, I thought back to something from the intuitive painting class … it’s ok … is it ok? … ok? … that’s when the tears came. I wonder if she’s cried yet?