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Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

I tried to post yesterday and I sat in front of the computer and thought to myself, “what will I post about today?”  Nothing came to mind … just the sound of crickets.  Huh. 

It reminded me of years ago in college in an English class I was in.  I had this great teacher that looked like a droopy dog from a cartoon that I can’t recall the name of right now.  He taught us to meditate on the first day.  Now I lived in Visalia and really, meditation was FAR from what was the norm.  In fact, I believe a lot of the kids went home and told their parents who promplty filed complaints with the school.  I wasn’t one of them because I saw that it actually worked.  He walked us through relaxing our bodies and minds while we sat in that chair and then taught us to just write whatever came from our head.  Kind of like our intuitive painting class a few weeks ago.  So that’s what I’m doing this morning … letting it fly – haha. 

I have so many topics in my head right now but none that seem very clever or witty (which is what I like to write on most). 

I read a blog this morning that inspired me.  I found it through the tag surf feature and it showed up because of the common “friends” tag.  It’s written by a guy that has a great voice in his words.  You know what I mean … when you feel you that you can hear their voice as you read their story.  He wrote about friends today, but in digging through his blog a bit more, I learned about his real story.  He and his wife are adopting two children from Haiti – Amos and Story.  If you have some time, take a look at his blog … I think you’ll dig it.  

I remember years ago when my ex and I decided to adopt.  It’s a scary and exhilarating journey.  You have so many naysayers to contend with, yet you know in your heart that you are on the right path.  The first time I saw the picture of Zac, I knew that he was meant for me.  In a weird way, I’m grateful to my ex for opening that door for me (even though he didn’t stick around for the long haul).  If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t have adopted so early.  There is a lot more to that story, but I don’t feel like getting into that now.  I love the journey that Zac and I (and now Ron too) have been on together.  There are days I freak, days I yell, days I cry and quite a few days where I laugh a lot. 

I can’t wait to hear more about their journey too. 

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Thank you Jody for giving me the link for Daily Om.  I subscribed and when I read their daily entry today I thought “OMG how did they know?”.  Here’s a link for those who don’t already read it: DAILY OM.  It’s an entry on letting your friends in for the good, bad and the ugly.

The only problem is … I can’t talk about what I need to talk about the most.   I promised I wouldn’t. 

Being a parent is really tough sometimes.  Especially when your kids get to a phase in their life where they are starting to become their own person – or are TRYING to. 

They want their freedom and believe that they know what’s best for them.  They think that you are stupid and crazy, yet come running to you when they are scared and confused.  They act all tough when they get hurt, yet you are the one they come to for care.  They secretly want to be like you, yet their actions tell a different story because … that’s what they WANT you to think.  What I think it really boils down to though … is that they are walking the fence between being a child and a mini-adult.  They really aren’t that far from where we are … they want it all.  They just haven’t figured out the best way to get it yet and really if they got it, they would just want to be back on the playground again where life is much easier in many respects. 

At times I want to strangle him, and then I see his innocent smile flash through and remember why I don’t follow through on the impulse.   I am proud of him, I love him, I only want the best for him.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m too tough and others I think I’ve failed him.  Normal thoughts for parents.  I know this.

This morning I took a walk … and cried when I could … when nobody was watching … when nobody could see ME be scared and confused.  Right now, I need to be the rock for him.  As I walked, I thought back to something from the intuitive painting class … it’s ok … is it ok? … ok? … that’s when the tears came.  I wonder if she’s cried yet?

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I have to get the studio spick and span this morning because my Mom and Dad are cruising through for a few minutes on their way back from Santa Barbara to say hi and they haven’t seen it since we finished it.  I’m sure they’ll only stay about 15 minutes or so, but still … they will be coming by for hugs, kisses and to be sure that we haven’t killed the boy yet – haha. 

Zac (aka the boy) called me this morning from his pocket … yet he doesn’t know it yet.  The first two times I hung up and tried to call him back to tell him to stop, but the third time, my Mommy sense said, “maybe there’s a reason the phone is calling you.”  I listened in … sounds like he was hanging out with the wrong crowd again this morning … and they were picking on a couple kids. Ugh … I sent him a text saying, “when you get this you need to call me during brunch – we have to talk.”  I’m sure he’ll shit when he gets it … all part of my major parent plan 😉

Last night my table top studio arrived – woohoo.  Today (after I clean the studio), I am going to start practicing taking photos of jewelry for the new wholesale section of the site.  I’m pretty jazzed about it. 

Ok … back to cleaning things up.  I just bought a new cd on itunes and it’s blaring in the studio to motivate me.  It’s awesome – check it out – it’s called Ledisi.  I LOVE it.  I also opened up the doors to the beautiful outside and if you drove by, you’d probably laugh because I am dancin’ when I’m cleanin’. 

I wonder why we worry so much about what our Mother’s will think of our space … even when we are 40 and pay all the damn bills ourselves – haha.

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